This is a GUEST POST from a friend of mine. He wishes to stay anonymous.
Winter brings back painful memories.
It was a Monday morning. I was in office and for some reason my mood was very bad. My mom called thrice, but I didn’t lift thinking it was something casual.
When I finally did pick, she was crying and unable to say anything. She is a sensitive person and gets emotional about minor things. But this time it seemed different. She then informed that my dad had met with a heart stroke and was in the hospital.
On reaching, the doctors told me that there were very low chances of survival. When I came out, I saw everyone was crying – mom, my sisters, relatives and friends.
I have a tendency of never sharing my problems or expressing my emotions in front of anyone – whether it is sadness or happiness.
Pain radiated all over my body and my vision blurred. I felt helpless and lonely sitting in a corner of the hospital. But I just couldn’t express anything. The cries of visitors made me feel more sick and helpless. (I remember spending a lot of time alone in my car parked at the hospital during those painful 15 days.)
When I saw my dad in the ICU, he was completely different from the strong person I had known my entire life. He opened his eyes and asked me to bring the cheque book for the expenses (he knew that I spent all my earnings for enjoyment; they pampered me being the youngest one in the family). I told him that he had nothing to worry, for this time I had made all the arrangements.
After I donated blood and completed some formalities, they talked about mortuary details. It made me more sick.
During the operation, as I stood outside the operation theatre for 6 long hours (only one person was allowed), I wanted to grab my head and scream. But couldn’t even lift my arms or say anything.
Greatest happiness often comes after experiencing the greatest pain. I experienced the same when they informed that my dad was now out of danger. I wanted to scream out loud but was speechless. I must have stood there motionless for more than an hour before I realized that I needed to give this good news to my family. Running down, I found that they had already received it and some of them shouted at me saying how careless and emotionless I was.
But they had no idea what I went through during those days. (I am still not able to visit that hospital and the surrounding places even after such a long time.)
My father has fully recovered now. But I do have a message to convey by writing this piece – there are some people around you who either don’t or, are unable to express their emotions. But perhaps, they feel as much or more than you.
For we are the silent warriors. We fight our battles alone. And we would like you to respect us for that.