I sit on a bench, not feeling like exercising today. Even with the setting sun, the heat is relentless. And the place is crowded.
I wait for the people to leave, for the temperature to decrease a little.
Waiting is pretty difficult.
Whether it is for the bus or the train to arrive. Or a reply to an email, sms, a ping. Or for the rains to fall.
The dislike for the activity of waiting indicates to me a fear of staring into vacuum, a fear of uncertainty. The desire to control the outcome, to hope that things go my way, never seems to disappear.
Anything feels better than waiting – even if that action doesn’t really add up to anything.
I wish to sit and enjoy nature, but the intense pull to not check my phone takes a great effort.
I hear a cuckoo calling. Another one returns its call. I forget the twitch and am lost in the moment.
Back to the present, I find that I am calm and fine with how things are at this instant.
But then, how could I continue staying in this contentment-filled emptiness-loving state, when nature herself dislikes gaps? 🙂 The urge to do something, anything, returns.
My willpower exhausted with all the waiting and thinking, I give in to the urge – pull out my phone and check for messages, as if the future of the universe depends on it. 🙂
Looks like these people won’t leave. And the heat is going to stay the entire week. Can’t wait that long. 🙂
I head back to my flat as the cuckoo flies off.